My Autobiography (in general)

My childhood was not a hard childhood, my parents cared for and loved me.

It wasn't until about age 10 that I started learning about abuse, it was by those outside of our family. As time went on it got worse.

This was also about the time I started experimenting with alcohol. This lead to experimenting with pills and pot by the age of of about 13.

I already had low self-esteem, and a negative view as well as outlook about my self.

By age 18, I had already been in and out of jail several times, and each time drugs or alcohol (usually both) were involved. In fact, I've never been arrested or in any trouble that drugs and /or alcohol were involved.

It was also at age 18 that I first acknowledged I was an alcoholic. In fact I usually wasn't out of jail more than 4 four hours before drinking or drugging again. I was a poly-substance abuser.

I wanted to quit, but too many feelings and thoughts that had been suppressed came aflowing. They were more than I could deal with by myself, and by this age, I found from several personal experiences that I couldn't trust counselors or most people.

My usage continued to increase and mixing various drugs and alcohol became a normal thing. As I look back, I can admit I was on a slow suicidal ride. I had tried to kill myself the first time at age 17, but it didn't work. This continued and progressively got worse (my addiction), and my revolving door at the county jail.

I was in many motorcycle and car accidents, one particularly should have ended my life when the car hit a tress head oun at about 50 mph. Instead I was truly messed up. Yet with this, my addiction, suppressed pain, hurt, sorrow and lose of self-esteem continued.

Things seemed to be getting better when I met met the woman who bore me three wonderful children. Thess three children were what kept me from giving up on life. They gave me a since of worth, some part of a hope that I never had otherwise. This, though, was still not enough to overcome my addictions.

Just before I was arrested this time, I had been fighting with the thoughs and desire to die. If it wouldn't have been for the three wonderful children God had blessed me with, I probably would have ended my life. The only thought that kept me from doing so was, I didn't want them to think it was okay for them to kill themselves.

Some think I'm stupid for this statement. I've said many times and continue to: "Coming to prison was the best thing that could have happened to me." I still believe this, if I hadn't, I know I would not have gotten right with my Lord, Jesus Christ. I would have never known what it would have been like to be clean and sober.

As of December 24, 2000, I will have been clean of drugs and alcohol for five years. I never knew what it was to be clean and sober for more than six months previously.

The eleventh month after I came to prison I got my first paints, brushes, and canvas panels. I had been talked into buying them by Rod. We use to share ideas about making cards to sell.

It was just before the 1997 U of M Inmate Art Show, and several other inmates kept trying to get me to enter. I wasn't going to. Then finally I decided to go over there just to see what they would have to say.

I never expected for any of my work to be taken as I only had been painting about three months. That is, when I wasn't working.

I remember Buzz Alexander, this was the first time I had met him. He chose one of the four pieces I had to show. It went to the show, and to my surprise, it sold. I was more excited over this fact of selling a painting at an U of M Inmate Art Show than I was for the $10 I got for the painting.

The U of M staff and students gave me a lot of support, increased my self-esteem, and gave me something I was needing: new goals and dreams. Also, some people that I can say do care and try to help those who have reached these all time lows.

I can not take all the credit for the paintings I do, painting is a gift from God, and he is deserving of the recognition for it.

I prefer to paint things that show or give a since of peace, love, hope, joy or truth. When I do leave prison, I plan to continue painting, and expanding with ideas that will give people ways to enjoy art in ways and areas that will make them more versatile as well.

Many thanks are owed to may. All of my family members who have encouraged me and stood by me through this time and in the past. All of those at the U of M who have made the art show and classes possible to the inmates. Most of all though to God and His Son Jesus Christ who gave me the talent, stood by me patiently waiting for me all these years and giving me one more chance at life.

Thank you.
– James Wilt (246089)