By: Diane Gale Andreassi, Ann Arbor News
Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Jacquelynne Eccles in the Ann Arbor News
March14, 2007

From the article:

The popular parenting line “Do as I say, not as I do” couldn’t be further from the way children are actually taught.

“Kids learn more by observation than by teaching, so parents have to live these values,” says Jacquelynne Eccles, a University of Michigan professor of psychology.

“They have to think about what kind of behavior they want their kids to engage in,” she says. “One thing that kids are extremely sensitive to is hypocrisy.”

Parents impart the lion’s share of what their children learn in life, despite the fact that school teachers stand in front of kids during many of their waking hours.

Parents teach their children things that range from life-and-death issues – like when and how to call 911 and how to cope with the passing of a loved one – to the mundane chores of life – like how to separate colors for laundry, how to make chicken soup and how to balance a checkbook.

Parents constantly send their children messages about how to behave and where to draw the line between the acceptable and the unacceptable – and whether the line should ever be blurred, such as telling a lie to keep from hurting someone’s feelings.

Do the parents take the dog for a walk in the dark and then fail to pick up the droppings because they think no one will see? You better believe the kids are watching, and taking mental notes.

Parents’ ways of coping during times of crisis – when a family member dies or when a job is lost – are also observed closely by young eyes.

Some other issues, like religious beliefs and views on sex, aren’t learned so much by observation and have to be addressed directly with children....