January Blues

When I was in school, the worst months I had were three Januaries.

Before I go any further, I should point out that as a teacher and as an advisor, I’ve always avoided phrases like “when I was in school,…” They nearly always make what proceeds or follows sound preachy: “When I was in school I had to walk six miles without any shoes….” Furthermore, while I have to draw from my own experience when I advise students, I’m always careful not to conflate my experiences with those of my students.

So I hope for you that January 2005 is a great month and that all your Januaries are good. I hope that Michigan’s Rose Bowl victory (I’m writing this in December but confidently predict that Michigan will win 31-28) gives you momentum that carries you well into February. You’ll get into all the courses you want; they’ll be intellectually stimulating, and you’ll ace your first set of exams. Your relationships will strengthen, and maybe you’ll even find love on one of those cold dark nights. Maybe January 2005 will be a great start to a terrific year.

But me—and I know from my experience as a teacher and as an advisor that I’m not alone—I have to steel myself for the month.

The Michigan climate alone makes January difficult. When it’s not cold and cloudy, it’s sunny but even colder. That strange sensation in your nostrils is your nasal hairs freezing. The early charm of winter—frosted window and tree branches, friendly snowball fights with your friends—gives way to the reality of scraping car windows, shoveling dirty snow, and sliding across icy intersections. Winter wears you out, and winter gets real in January.

It’s tough enough to come back to school and face the lousy weather, but you also will need to establish relationships with new instructors and develop a new routine with new courses made the first few weeks of the month tough. Yet weather and new courses together couldn’t account for the pit I felt in my stomach during my most difficult Januaries.

That hole, that void felt a lot like homesickness, and I suppose, in part, it was. Yes I missed my family and friends after leaving them again, but I also distinctly remember also feeling relieved to be away from home. What I was feeling in addition to homesickness was guilt for not wanting to be home anymore. I didn’t want the same life as my parents; I was developing different values and expectations that would forever change my relationships with my family and my old friends. Not that I had this figured out at the time, in fact, that was another part of the problem: I knew that I would always feel like a visitor when I went home, and I had no idea what kind of new home I’d be creating for myself in the future. Thus, during my worst Januaries in addition to being bundled up against the cold, I was wrapped up in homesickness, guilt, and doubt. Sounds like fun, huh?

So why am I telling you all this? Again, it’s not because it’s “normal.” Most of my Januaries have been OK, and I’m not claiming that most people have a January like my worst ones. But if you ever do have a bad January, I have advice for you. Remember, the spring does come: January isn’t the whole year, and you will feel better as the weather improves and as you adjust to the changes that are going on in your life.
Don’t wait, however, for spring. That’s what I did, and sure, I felt better as the days got longer, as the temperature crept above forty. I didn’t, however, really deal with all the issues regarding my family and my future until years later. It’s true that I had to be patient about certain of these concerns: I couldn’t have resolved my past and my future in a single month. Yet, as I said, I had three lousy Januaries, and I believe now that if I had gotten some help, if I had gone to see a counselor or a therapist or another good listener, I might have been able to have made a couple of those months a lot easier. It took me much longer than it needed to work through my ambivalence about my changing life.

So do as I advise, not as I did. If you find this January tough, talk to people like your academic advisor, but also consider working with a counselor in Counseling and Psychological Services, (CAPS) 3100 Michigan Union. CAPS is free; well, not exactly: your student services fees have already paid for it. So take advantage of its services if January has you feeling low. Don’t just wait for the thaw.